Ministry of Magic's Got Nothing On Me
by i-is-kitty
Summary: Voldemort, Snape and a friend are determined to prove that they do, infact, have them moves like Jagger. A one-shot for NITESIDE -TAYLAH - TYLER 3  OC included  Rated M for language and sexual references !


**So today during an un-eventful History lesson, I took the time on writing a short little story for NITESIDE -TAYLAH - TYLER, because why the hell not! Be warned: swearing, OOC and some nekkidness. :D Hope you like it Taylah!**

**Love from, Briefcase Wanker~**

**oh yea I don't own Harry Plopper and shit.**

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><p>Taylah could barely hold in her excitement. Why, you ask? Well, not only was it her 18th birthday, a day she'd been looking foward to since she was 15, she was also celebrating her last year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. What a better way to spend the joyous occasion with none other than her two bestest buddies, Lord Voldemort and Prof. Severus Snape. The two talented wizards were treating her to a night out on the town, hitting all the hottest night clubs, getting wasted and painting the town red. Literally. With Harry's blood. That was Voldemort's idea...<p>

Taylah, who at this point was bouncing around like the Energizer bunny, or better yet her History teacher, started to get dressed and ready for the big night out, with Snape and Voldemort waiting outside her room for her.

"Yo, Tay, you ready or what? Let's fuck shit up already!" Voldemort called out impatiently from the other side of the door.

"Dude, calm your tits. give me some fuckin' time! Jeez..." She yelled back. You-know-who could be very impatient when he wanted to be. Taylah pulled on her black skinny jeans from Jay-Jays and a Bullet for my Valentine t-shirt. It was the middle of winter, so in other words, it was bloody cold out. She opted for a red flannie and a gray hoodie. After putting on her trademark black vans, she finally emerged from her room to be greeted by a bro-hoof from Snape and a very complicated and secretive handshake from Voldemort.

"Took your time didn't you?" Snape said jokingly.

"Shut the fuck up, Savvy." She replied, rolling her dark eyes and flipping her long ginger hair over her shoulder.

"Girls, girls, calm the fuck down, we're all bros here. Anyways, where to homies?" Voldemort said, cutting off Taylah and Snape's bickering. The three of them linked arms and made there way off campus to a limo waiting for them on the side of the road.

"Well, I was thinking since it's like, your birthday and all, we could go get piss pot drunk, yeah?" Snape suggested, feeling determined to get his drink on. And possibly get naked. Whatever floats your boat...

"Sounds good to me!" Taylah said. And with that, the three of them entered the limo feeling high on excitment. The limo reved to life, music blasting through the speakers as Voldemort gave the address of the nearest night club to the driver. Before they knew it, the three of them were singing along to 'What is Love'. They almost pulled a Night at the Roxbury with the window.

After what seemed like forever, they finally arrived at a night club. People swarmed the place like ants at a picnik, bodies moving in rhythm to the trance like music pumping through the whole club. Soon enough three heads, one bald, on greasy and one normal, swinged back as another shot of Alien Nipple (yes that drink really does exsist) was greedily downed.

It was safe to say that Taylah was already drunk. He speech was slurred and she could hardly stand straight. That didn't stop her though, nothing did. "Hey... hey Voldiieee~" She slured drunkingly to Voldemort. "I swear I saw Harry over there, let's go see what he's up to!"

Before he could reply, Voldmort was dragged across the room to the back of the club with Taylah, leaving Snape behind making out with... holy shit, a talking llama named Tina!

"I th-think I saw him *hic* go in here." Voldemort said, pointing to a door that was hidden towards the back of the club.

"Whatever yoo say, m'lord." Taylah replied. She placed a hand on the door handle, turning it and opening the door. The sight bestowed before them truly was a horrific one. You think Snape making out with a llama was bad? Imagine Harry and Ron snogging in the back corner! Taylah and Voldemort didn't have to imagine it because it was happening right infront of there eyes.

"OOOH SHHIIIIIIT! Get the camera, Voldie, GET THE MOTHER FUCKING CAMERA!" Taylah said upon seeing the two teens going at it infront of her.

Voldemort quickly grabbed his pink-studded iPhone out from his pocket, catching the whole scene on film while yelling, "WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN CANNOT BE UNSEEN!". Shortly after, the video was uploaded to Facebook and Youtube. Should've seen Hermoine's face. Priceless...

Taylah shut the door, reminding herself to never go in there again. "That was... oh god I don't even know... I need a drink. Let's grab Snapey-poo and get the fuck outta here."

Voldemort nodded in agreement as the two of them made there way back through the crowd to where Snape was, you guessed it, still making out with Tina the llama. "Come on Snape," Voldemort said, grabbing snape by the back of his shirt.

'NOOOOO! I LOVE YOU!" Snape hollered as he was pulled away from his beloved llama.

"Let it go Snape, she's not worth the heartache."

The three of them stumbled onto the street, laughing like idiots. Without realizing where they were going, the stumbled upon tattoo/piercing parlour owned by a high-school drop out with an eyebrow piercing.

"Sup." The girl behind the counter said, wearing a name tag that read 'Briefcase Wanker'. She had long black hair and oddly shaped eyebrows. "What can I do for you guys?"

"OOOH, I KNOW!" Voldemort said excitdedly. "Let's all get our butts tattooed for your birthday!"

"YES!" Taylah said enthusiastically, high-fiving Voldemort.

By this point in time, Snape couldn't even remember his own name so of course he went along with it.

"It's your birthday? Tatt's and piercings are on the house then!" The tattooist said.

"Aw thanks dude!" Taylah said.

Three tattoos were decided. Voldemort had Dumbledore's face tattooed on his left butt-cheek with the words 'In Loving Memory' underneath. He also got a My Little Pony done on his forearm. Taylah had a magical unicorn riding magestically on a rainbow done across her back. It was truley awesome. Snape, on the other hand, had 'I 3 SIRIUS BLACK AND JAMES POTTER' done in a very nice font on his right ass cheek. Jeez, the tattoo girl was a lucky one, wasn't she?

After the tattoos were finished and bandaged up, Taylah got a great idea. "Dude, I should so get my spetum done again! How awesome would that be!"

"Aw yeah no worries I got this bro," Voldemort said. He grabbed the nearest disinfected needle and brought it up to Taylah's face. "Wont hurt a bit!"

He pushed the needle through and placed in ring. He grabbed a hand held mirror and handed it to Taylah so she could se for herself. "I LOOK AMAZING." She exclaimed, fist pumping the air.

"What now?" Snape asked, after getting his nipple pierced.

"I'm gunna wash your hair." Taylah said with a serious face.

"WHAAAAT?"

When morning came, Snape was sure of three things. First of all, he was on the roof of the school, naked. Secondly, his hair was soft and luxurious, more so than it had ever been in his life. Thirdly, a giant fish was next to him. And he was pretty sure that he fucked it's brains out.

**THE END.**


End file.
